Do You Belong?
As I was enjoying the sound of raindrops outside my window, I was so immersed on my computer to the point where my coffee's gone cold. The sun inturrupted with its rays shining straight into my eyes. The view of the rainbow outside my window was mesmerising, perfectly matching Beethoven's Moonlight playing in the background. I held my coffee tightly with both hands, took a sip, a deep breath. I was in my zone! Suddenly, the phone rang, and someone out of the blue started talking to me in a way I didn't like! My day was ruined.
Was it really the phone call that ruined the day?
If all it took to get me out of the zone is a phone call, then probably I wasn't in the zone in the first place. I was pretending to be in the zone, I was probably reliving a moment from the movies and pop culture. My problem was not the person on the phone; I doubt that person conspired: “I’m gonna pick the phone, and ruin someone’s day now!” My problem could be much bigger than a phone call, the phone call manifested a bigger dilemma: do we belong?
Remember that friend of yours who almost never get’s sick? Many people are immune to illness, and science tells us that immunity is not genetic. The Scientific American article titled “Your Immune System Is Made, Not Born” argues that some people are better than others at fighting the flu, however it “depended less on genetics than on environmental factors, such as diet and prior infections. Genetics had almost no effect on how well individuals responded to the flu”.
But how is this relevant to me getting easily agitated?
Living life, represented by you looking outside the window, holding your favorite hot beverage while watching your kids playing with your dog on a spring day, contrasted with answering calls, responding to emails, and dealing with difficult people, are skills, like juggling, you can learn and master. Like an immune system, which gets nurtured every time you eat an apple, or hindered when you eat a donut, your outlook and resiliency to conflicts are acquired through education and experience. But it starts with one feeling: a sense of belonging.
If you belong to the cause, if your values match those of what you do, if your aspiration is being fulfilled every time you deliver a piece of work, then you have congruence. Integrity and consistency are the key to a fulfilling life and work. The good news? We have complete control over those variables. "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.", profoundly true.
So here is my formula: First, check your belonging and congruence, then work backward from there. Because “when there is a will, there is a way”. I don’t look for a “work-life balance” prescription pill, because there is none! I create my own, and it only happens if I belong, which then pushes me to work on my life skills.
“Even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15% of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85% is due to skill in human engineering, to personality and the ability to lead people.” --- Dale Carnegie, form his timeless book "How to win friends and influence people". I highly suggest you start by reading it.
Where are you on your life journey? Because make no mistake, you will not get any answers for your questions from anyone but yourself. And you will only find the answers if you look for the right tools to get them.
So, do you belong?
